Living With No Regrets Page 4

  “Already trying to milk me for money?” Russell asked sarcastically with a sneer marring his handsome features. Luckily Randy wasn’t paying attention to him right then; he just wanted Leigh’s answer.

  “Alright Randy. If that’s what you want.” Leigh turned to Russell and smiled to him sweetly. “And I haven’t asked you for anything accept to meet your son finally. I have taken care of him for five years, and I will continue to do so. I don’t need your financial help.”

  “What do you want then? Why did you come back now?”

  “The only thing Randy is lacking is a father.” Leigh said. “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. I know I should have ignored the warnings and brought him anyway, but my pride, stubbornness, and the fact that you didn’t believe he was yours kept me from forcing the issue. But I can’t care about any of that anymore. Randy needs you. He’ll be needing you more and more the older he gets, so here we are. I don’t need money. Don’t ever give me anything. Get whatever you want for him and give it to him. I want nothing from you.”

  Leigh didn’t realize how good it would feel to say that to the arrogant man. She knew she still loved him but would never have him again. She wouldn’t let him think she was a gold digger like he believed everything else negative about her.

  Russ was about to start yelling and cussing, but looked down at Randy, who was watching the two of them, and was able to bite the words back. He spoke calmly. “I never said I didn’t believe he was mine. I didn’t even know about him, but just looking at the pictures you sent, and especially seeing him in person, there is no denying he’s mine.”

  He registered the genuine shock on Leigh’s face and wondered where she’d gotten all the stuff she’d been saying. He couldn’t put it down to her making it up, because Maybelle had pretty much confirmed that someone had warned Leigh off, but just as he was about to ask her about it, Randy decided he didn’t want to be ignored.

  “Can we go get ice cream Momma?”

  He was still holding Russell’s hand, so Leigh knew he wanted them all to go. “I’m sorry Randy, but you know that I have to take Mimi to the doctor.”

  Russell looked at her, down at Randy and back again. “Are you taking him with you?” he asked.

  “No. Mark keeps Randy when I have stuff like that.”

  “Well then, I’ll take him home with me to meet his grandma and grandpa. He can have dinner with us, and then I’ll bring him back.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Definitely.” Russ could see the confusion in her eyes and had heard her hesitation. “Look Leigh, I don’t know who has told you the things I supposedly said, but I never said any of it. We’ll have to talk about that later.”

  That seemed to make Leigh angry, but Russ didn’t think it was directed at him. “Alright.” She said and pasted on a smile for Randy. “Let’s go back to the house and get you dressed, baby.” Randy held tight to Russ’ hand and grabbed Leigh’s with his other hand so he was in the middle of them.

  Russ’ anger had drained out of him sometime during their conversation. It had been replaced with confusion. Was the reason she had never come back to Pine Grove because of the lies someone had passed off to her saying he had said it? He looked over at Leigh who was listening to Randy list off things he wanted to take with him to show his dad and grandparents. He could feel a piece of the wall, that he’d built around his heart to keep Leigh out, crack at how the three of them walking hand in hand seemed natural; like it was how it was supposed to have been for all these years. Russ knew he had some serious thinking to do.

  “Can I Daddy? Pleash!” Randy was now jumping up and down in excitement while swinging their hands back and forth.

  “I’m sorry buddy, I missed what you asked. Say it again.”

  “Can I ride a horse when I get there?”

  “I know just the horse for you.” Russ bent down to whisper the next words. “Misty used to be your mom’s mount and she hasn’t had another rider since then.”

  Randy was so happy with idea, all the way back to the house, he and Leigh talked about Leigh’s experience riding Misty. Russell tried to listen, but couldn’t get his mind to stop wondering what had all been told and who had said it. He knew it was something he’d make a point to find out soon.

  Chapter 3

  As Leigh started up the stairs, with Randy running up before her, Mark came up beside her. “I see that he hasn’t gone home yet. Is he staying for dinner?”

  “No.” He could see that Leigh was trying not to let on how exhausted she was, but she had sweat beading on her forehead, and she was out of breath. “He’s here for Randy. Russell’s going to take him to meet James and Maggie. They’ll have dinner there and then he’ll bring Randy home. You know I have to take Mother to see Dr. Kennedy in an hour and a half.”

  Mark grabbed her elbow to stop her ascent up the stairs. “Are you going to let the doctor look you over, too?” he asked.

  “I told you, Mark. There’s no need. I’m fine.” She extricated her arm from him and continued up to Randy’s room.

  “I thought you couldn’t stand lies.”

  Looking back at him in shock, she stopped in her tracks. “I’m not lying. I am fine. I’m just tired right now.”

  “Okay, so you might be fine, but what were the results of the tests you had done? Is it back?”

  Leigh glanced down at the doorway to the living room and then back at him. She lowered her voice to answer. “I’m not going to talk about this right now, Mark. I’m going to get Randy ready, and then I’m going to concentrate on my mother.” He saw tears she was trying to hold back shine in her eyes. “I can’t think about, or deal with, anything else right now.”

  Mark nodded in understanding before turning around to head back outside before she could see the sadness he knew would show on his face. That was something she never allowed, was for anyone to dwell on what was wrong with her. When he first met her and found out what she had sacrificed to be able to give birth to her son, she had always made light of it and made him and Charles focus on the good things that had come out of it; namely Randy. She always had a way of making them smile. Even on the worst of days. And the fact that she wasn’t even trying to do that now was telling of how bad things were. He started seeing everything she’d done in the last months in a different light; and he knew what it meant.

  *****

  When Leigh got to Randy’s room, she didn’t see him anywhere. Going back in to hallway, she called his name; hearing his answer from her room that was next to his.

  “Don’t you want to get dressed to go to your dad’s house?” Randy was still in his swim trunks; which had thankfully dried to just being damp instead of dripping, looking in the boxes in her closet. “You know he is downstairs waiting for you.”

  “I wanted to take all my drawingsh.” She saw he had gotten a few of them, but they were all mixed in with the letters she had written to do with them. “You shaid he never got ‘em. I want gramma and grampa to shee ‘em, too.”

  “Alright baby. I’ll help.” She picked up a second box to start to go through. “Do you want to take them all?”

  “Yep.” Randy picked up a picture album of himself out of a box full of pictures and albums and held it up. “Can I take thish?”

  Leigh took it in her hands and rubbed the picture on front that was the hospital birth announcement photo. “No. This is mine. I sent your dad a box full of pictures this morning. He probably showed grandma and grandpa, but you can ask him to make sure.”

  They spent a few more minutes picking out Randy’s drawings and then headed back to his room to get him dressed and ready to go.

  “Momma?” Randy grabbed her hand before she walked out of his room to lead him downstairs.

  “Yes baby?”

  “I won’t like gramma and grampa if you don’t want me to.”

  Leigh knelt down to his level and held both of his tiny hands in hers. “Why wouldn’t I want you to like them?”

 
; “Cuz they don’t like you.”

  She thought the sentiment was so sweet, but Leigh didn’t want Randy suffering because of her. “Randy,” she started softly, trying to word everything carefully. “Russell’s mom and dad are awesome people. They are so sweet and nice, and they are going to love you. I told you, people don’t like me because of a misunderstanding, but that doesn’t make them bad people.”

  “But you’re the besht mommy. Everyone likesh you.”

  “I know you don’t understand baby, but it’s alright. Don’t judge people for what they think and say about me. They’ll love you regardless, because you are the sweetest boy. As long as you and Mimi and Mark know and love me, I’m not worried about anyone else. Especially you. You are the light of my life. Your opinion of me is the one I care most about.”

  Randy slung his arms around her, and she squeezed him back wanting to cry. She prayed that what she told him was true and that no one would treat Randy badly because of her. She knew James, Maggie, and Russell never would, but there were others in town that was more vindictive. One good thing would be that Randy would have Russell to take up for him and protect him no matter what. Leigh was depending on that for Randy’s future.

  *****

  The whole ride from Mary Leigh’s house to the ranch was filled with Randy’s chatter. Russ loved it, but was worried about his lisp and hoped it wasn’t a permanent condition. Mary Leigh had assured him that it wasn’t – it was only because of his missing front teeth – but Russ’ uncle had a lisp, so he knew it could run in the family.

  He was awed at how much he already loved his son. Getting to know him, and seeing how much Randy already looked up to him, showed how well Leigh had raised him so far. He had gone upstairs to see if he could help with Randy and had heard what he had offered to do for Leigh; and her response.

  That was one of the things about her that he had fallen in love with so long ago. She had never begrudged anyone their opinion. Never had held a grudge against anyone. She never wanted what people said or did to her affect the way others felt. Leigh never pinned anyone against anyone else. She took life one day at a time; dealt with things as they came.

  The anger he had held against Leigh had dissipated with just one visit, and he had barely spoken with her. Nothing had been resolved, but he found that the light that had always surrounded her and engulfed those she was around was still there. It just seemed to be tempered with sadness now. Russ found himself wanting to take that sadness away, though he knew he was the cause of most of it. He was still in love with her after all these years and didn’t quite know how he felt about that realization.

  When they arrived at the ranch, his ma and pop were sitting in the swing on the porch waiting. He had called to let them know he was bringing Randy to meet them. Being the excited, outgoing boy that Russ was getting to know him as being, Randy hopped out of the truck and ran up to the porch to introduce himself to his newfound grandparents. Randy was just like him when he was little. Nothing scared him, and anything new was something exciting to be tackled head on.

  As he got out of the truck himself to follow his son, his mom looked at him as Randy was hugging her with all his might. Her eyes were shining with her unshed emotions in the afternoon light. Randy was showing off the drawings that he’d shown Russ one by one on the way. She led him inside and Russ joined his father on the porch.

  That sat in silence for a few minutes before he asked Russ how it went.

  “To tell the truth, outside of meeting that awesome little boy, I don’t really know.” Russ let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I went spewing things out of my butt instead of thinking, and then we didn’t talk much after that.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I was already pissed because, on the way there, I heard that the school was giving Leigh a hard time about signing Randy up to start. They don’t know he’s mine, but even so…No kid should suffer for the slights of their parents, and that’s what it seems is going to happen. Anyway, when I walked up, Leigh was assuring Randy that I would love him. She was telling him about me, and it wasn’t bad or vindictive like I figured she would have done.”

  “Son,” His pop paused as if trying to think about what to say. “Leigh never was that kind of girl. Maggie and I grew up with Robert and Mary Leigh. They came from good stock. Their families raised them to be good, God-fearing people, and they raised Leigh up to be just the same.”

  “I always thought so Pop, until she cheated on me. I never would have thought she’d do something like that.”

  “But you never asked her side of it.”

  “What could she have said? That she didn’t mean to? That it was an accident?” Russ huffed out a laugh and looked back out at the setting sun. “Kerry had been a witness. We all know that Bill wouldn’t have thought twice about taking something of mine.”

  Randy came running back out and jumped on Russ’ lap. “Daddy! I helped Gramma cut the vegibelsh and now she shaid that Grampa would take me to see the horshies! Can I ride one?”

  “I’m sorry, Son. That’ll have to wait until this weekend.” When Randy’s face fell, Russ hurried on. He hated disappointing his son; especially on his first day having him and getting to know him. “Grampa and the other hands have already groomed them and have got them settled in for the evening.”

  “That’s right.” His father said. “Maybe your momma will let you spend the whole weekend here and we’ll get you saddled up and you and your daddy can go camping by the pond we have.”

  Randy looked back up at Russ with hope glimmering in his whole expression. “Can we, Daddy?”

  “As long as your mom says it’s okay.”

  “She will. She shaysh I can do anything as long as a adult watchesh me and itsh not dangerish.” He hopped down and started pulling on Grampa’s hand to get him up to go to the stable. As they walked down the porch steps, Russ got up to follow them, but his dad stopped him.

  “Go on and get washed up for dinner. I think your ma might want to talk to you a bit.”

  After going in to shower and change for dinner, as he did every night, Russ went back into the dining room to set the table. His mom came in and sat down at her seat and motioned for him to do the same.

  “The chicken’ll be out of the oven in a few minutes.” She let out a breath and shook her head slowly like she was tired, but then she smiled at him. “There ain’t no doubt that that’s your boy. Looks like you, acts like you did, and talks like you did when you lost your front teeth.”

  “So you think his speech will get better when his teeth grow back in?”

  “Of course, Honey. I think all kids get a speech impediment when they are young and losing teeth.”

  “I was kinda worried cause of Uncle Jessie.”

  She looked at the worried expression on his face and laughed. “Russell, your uncle is legally deaf. He can’t hear himself speak. That’s the reason he sounds like he does. He is just very good at reading lips. Jessie hated being treated like he was diseased when he was a kid in school because he couldn’t hear, so he worked real hard to learn how to read lips and speak so he could seem normal.”

  “I never knew that.”

  Russ’ mom fiddled with the placemat under her plate and concentrated on that as she spoke again. “Sometimes, when something is wrong with someone, or something has happened to someone, they feel like they have to work extra hard at hiding whatever it is.”

  He knew she was hinting at something, but didn’t understand what it was, unless… “Ma? Is something wrong with you or Pop?”

  “No! No. Your pop passed his last set of tests with flying colors. And there ain’t nothing wrong with me.”

  “Then what’s with the cryptic message?”

  “It’s about Leigh.”

  “What about her? Is she sick?” Russ actually felt panic start to rise at that thought.

  “Well, since you’ve finally asked, I feel I can tell you. I don’t know much, but what I’ve g
otten from Mary Leigh is that breast cancer runs in her family. Her words ‘were all of the older women, and now the newer generation’ have battled it.”

  “Are telling me Leigh has breast cancer?”

  “Not now. About three months after Leigh moved she was diagnosed. All I know is that she had to wait a while and get tested again to find the best treatment possible. They were confident afterward that they had removed it all.” Now tapping her fingers on table – which Russ knew was a nervous gesture - she continued. “After Leigh left, Mary Leigh and I had a small argument. She was talking about how heartbroken her daughter was. I asked her how she thought you felt; you’re the one Leigh did wrong to. I had raised my voice to her – first time I ever did that – but she just answered in her calm, quiet way seeming sad. She said that she had made a promise she was not willing to break, but if you see a picture of a man and woman hugging, you’d think they were close in some way, but in reality, one person pulled the other into that hug. Hearing that, you’d look more closely at the picture and see that the woman had her arms by her side and she was looking the other way. She was not participating in the hug. I saw the picture, and I think you should take a closer look. Suffice it to say that now I have my doubts about what’s going on in that photo.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me all of this sooner?”

  “The subject of Leigh was taboo. If I had even mentioned her name, you wouldn’t have listened.”

  Russ admitted, if only to himself, that she was right.

  Just then the oven timer went off, so Maggie patted his hand and went into the kitchen to finish up the meal. It left Russ sitting there thinking. She started talking loud so he could hear her from the dining room.

  “Oh yes, I forgot. Randy found a letter Leigh had written you mixed in with his drawings. He was happy ass a clown when I found room for some of them on the fridge. I put some on the wall in your house. I put the letter in your room on the nightstand.”